Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Battle Within

It's been no secret lately that I struggle with balance.  In fact, that's what much of this blog is about--so you'll have to excuse me when I take long breaks from posting.  It's one of the first things that goes by the wayside when I'm actually trying to, you know, live my life.

I was always that kid who was over-committed--by choice mind you, not because I had an overbearing helicopter parent signing me up for activities left and right.  In high school it was a bit of a coping mechanism for escaping my home life, but most of the time it was because I really enjoyed the activities in which I was involved--regardless of whether or not I was good at them.

I have the same struggle in my adult life.  I am so interested and passionate about so many different things--and yet, I have to work very hard to avoid the "jack of all trades, master of none" fate.  One of my personal philosophies is that I won't do things half-assed; I take my time and do it right... which means that, sometimes, projects get put aside for a while.  (Duff Man, on the other hand, is a master at checking tasks off of lists--but is sometimes content to make sure things are done, even if they aren't done well.  You can imagine our diametrically opposing world views sometimes create conflicts in our relationship.  Ah well, we get through it.)

Lately, the struggle has been with everything I decided to take on this fall.  Plus teaching.  Plus all of the logistical issues my job entails (fundraisers, parent issues, professional development, instrument repairs, clerical work).  Plus marching band.  Plus attempting to carve out some quality time with my husband and my friends.

It's funny, in yoga teacher training we often talk about how the hardest thing is often knowing when to let go--when to pass on that extra vinyasa or to take a Yoga I instead of an advanced level class.  And yet, we also talk about how to push through challenges.  I talk to my students all the time about not quitting when something is hard.  In fact, my favorite personal mantra that I've repeated to myself innumerable times since July is "I am stronger than I think."

So, where do the two meet?  Where do I set aside my determination (and being of Irish descent, there's plenty of stubborn embedded in my DNA) and embrace self-compassion?  When do I decide to let go--and, being passionate and interested in so many things, how do I choose?

When you figure out the formula, let me know--because I'm not doing so well right now.

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