Friday, August 26, 2011
Sometimes the Universe Smacks You in the Face with a Two-By-Four
We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this breaking news bulletin. (Which is a shame, because I've had today's previously scheduled "Random Friday Facts" post written for a week!)
I started this week with a post asking myself "Why?" The funny thing is, the universe asked the question back several times--and I finally said, "Why not?"
Cryptic enough for you? I'll elaborate.
I mentioned last week that I'm really sad I can't go through yoga teacher training at my studio. Between events at my own school and my marching band schedule, fall is a really busy time in my life. We have football games on Friday nights and competitions on Saturdays. Teacher training is on Friday evenings, most of the day on Saturday, and Sunday afternoons. It just wouldn't work. And it broke my heart when a number of my yogi friends (and, I think, basically every teacher at my studio) asked me if I was going to go through training... and I had to say no.
I went to yoga class on Wednesday morning, and Padma was teaching instead of the regularly scheduled instructor. In addition to being one of my favorite yoga teachers and the studio owner, she's also my friend and we chatted for the first time in a while after class. We talked about what I had been up to, we talked about Tuesday's earthquake, we talked about some changes going on at the studio. We talked about her crazy teaching schedule and the addition of teacher training starting in two days. And then she mentioned that a friend of mine was going to go through training--and it caught me by surprise. I didn't realize that this friend was going through the training. And it made me sad, again, that I wasn't going to... and my eyes welled up with tears. The sudden emotion really caught me off guard. How badly did I really want this?
So then I went home and thought about it. And I entered the training schedule into my calendar "just to see" what it would look like. There were still a lot of conflicts--about 10% of the total training hours--but... it wasn't as bad as I thought. So I sent Padma an email... and asked, hypothetically, if someone had conflicts on certain days, if it would still work out.
Without giving me a yes or no, she emailed me back later in the afternoon and asked me to ask myself why I wanted to do this. For my own practice? For the sake of teaching? And how would I feel if one of my students wanted to take a course but had to miss an eighth of the classes?
Then she went through my conflicts and realized that only one conflict was a real problem because of the importance of the topic (anatomy) and the fact that it was being taught by a guest. And while it's inconvenient, I could work around that one day. I could attend some comparable classes (Iyengar, Meditation) to make up the other days when I have conflicts.
But, this is all hypothetical. Right?
I talked to Duff Man after we both got home from work on Thursday afternoon. (Since it was raining, I left band camp early. You can't teach drill outside in the rain.) He wasn't surprised I brought it up--after all, when I got off the plane in July he asked me not if, but when I'd become a yoga teacher. He wasn't really happy though, knowing how much time I spend at work under normal circumstances. He's worried he'll never see me. So we talked about setting aside one or two date nights during the week to make sure that we spend some quality time together--and there are several free weekends built into the schedule as well. We talked about some other things we could do so he doesn't end up bearing the burden of all of the housework. And besides, the two fall weekends he had already chosen to go out of town both fall on teacher training weekends--so we wouldn't have been together then anyway.
So a "definitely no" became a "possibly maybe."
And then I went to class on Thursday night and talked with Padma again.
We talked about the questions she had asked me to ask myself. Much of my experience in L.A. led me to think about the things that I don't know but would want to learn about all facets of my yoga practice. I told her that my goal in teacher training would be to enhance my knowledge and understanding of yoga. I told her I could see myself becoming a teacher as an outcome of the training--but it wouldn't be the real reason why I was there.
Then I considered the alternatives. Could I wait to do this? Sure. But I'm also looking at possibly starting another graduate degree program in the Spring--what happens if the next training conflicts with my master's program schedule? And after that, we'll probably be considering having kids. (I can't believe I just typed that. Scary!) So while I could wait, there's no guarantee that my schedule would work out any better in the future.
Perhaps the earthquake was just a symptom, but the universe definitely shook some things up this week. And it smacked me in the face with a two-by-four so that I would be sure to get the message. The pieces fell into place. The timing is right.
And that's why I'm starting yoga teacher training tonight.